Does Big Ern really exist?

Psssst? Can you read this? I’m not supposed to do this but I secretly logged into the EarlyRetirementNow WordPress account. I’m not Ern! I’m a whistleblower! Big Ern doesn’t actually exist. It’s all a big sham! This blog is created by a Macedonian content farm. We got five people here working around the clock, churning out blog posts, answering emails, commenting on other blogs, writing tweets, posting on Facebook, SEO, you name it! The whole shebang!

Don’t believe me? Ask yourself: have you ever actually met Big Ern? Have you seen him? Yeah, there are some photos on the blog and you heard him on the ChooseFI podcast. But that’s an actor! We found him on Fiverr! And since we’re running things on the cheap we went with some dude who doesn’t even speak proper English. So, we conjured up that whole story about Ern being an immigrant.

How about the financial analysis and the Safe Withdrawal Rate Series? Well, all of that work is indeed legit and original research. But it’s all contract work! With the money we haul in from the blog every month we could buy the entire Finance department at Macedonia National University. So, we just “rent” two assistant professors to help with the simulations! You should see our profit margins!

And back to the Big Ern actor, do you know why he couldn’t come to the FinCon in Dallas in 2017? He has no training in Finance! You talk to him for two minutes and you figure out the guy doesn’t know anything about finance! He wouldn’t know the difference between a Safe Withdrawal Rate and a mortgage rate – he’s an actor for Chrissake! When he doesn’t pose for the pictures on the blog he’s doing clown gigs at kids’ birthday parties in Tulsa, Oklahoma! At least for the upcoming CampFI in April they coached him enough to not make a total clown out of himself. But ask him how the calculations in the SWR Google worksheet work and you’ll see a blank stare! Try it!

But there’s more…

… yeah, there’s more:

Today is April Fool’s Day! Come on, of course, I am real!

April Fools Day 2018

And I will come to the CampFI in Virginia this month and the FinCon in Orlando in September. Make sure you come and talk to me! I’m easy to spot because I am indeed a big guy: 6’6″ tall or 1.98 meters for our friends who prefer the metric system! Ask me all the questions about Safe Withdrawal Rates you want! And just to be sure, this blog doesn’t generate any income! I’m doing this just for fun. And I had a lot of fun writing today’s post! Happy April Fool’s Day and Happy Easter!

There will be no blog post this coming Wednesday, April 4! Look out for the next post on April 11 and hope to see you at CampFI as well!

10 thoughts on “Does Big Ern really exist?

  1. Ha!

    Back in the early 00s there was a rumor of a guy employed at multiple companies at once. He outsourced off shore all his work and just acted as a middleman collecting the profits. Sounds like you’ve perfected his recipe for success:)

  2. Look forward to meeting those smart Macedonians towards end of April.
    Does that mean I have to buy them all coffees and large slices of cake??
    The last thing our portfolio needs is a pre-retirement spending spree…..

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